Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
