I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
