So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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