I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Why can't burritos get me drunk
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
