what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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