So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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