Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
