he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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