i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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