I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
