her vagina looked like bernie madoff
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
