Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
a search helicopter?!
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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