my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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