I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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