oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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