Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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