My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
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