I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize