so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
