Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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