I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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