i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
