Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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