he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
