So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
