So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
