Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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