We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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