I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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