I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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