i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
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