Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Your dad touched me again.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
