She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
