Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
