Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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