we're chasing vodka with high fives
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
