Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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