she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I have already put on my inside pants.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
