Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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