You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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