I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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