The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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