That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
