i just google imaged poop.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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