She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
