So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
if only i could text you this smell
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize