I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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