i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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