i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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