I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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