There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
