You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
