Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
