so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm just crazy horny about you
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize