i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
