I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
