honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
