just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
