Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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