i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
