Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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