theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Randomize
