he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
