There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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