I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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