Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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