she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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