oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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