time to smoke my breakfast
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
