She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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