He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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