There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize