you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
