If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
