Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize