it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize